Winter Break California Style

Unlike many other families, who really took "ski week" seriously by actually going skiing, this is what Brian and the boys have been doing for winter break, except for the day they spent at the skate park and jumping at Sky High.

I worked, but look for a post at Silicon Vally Moms blog soon to find out why I was a-ok with that.

I Enjoy Being a Girl

I was watching Tim Gunn's new show the other night because I am totally addicted to Bravo's reality shows) and his lucky victim kept saying "I feel like a girl again" or something like that. New bra, less cable knits and couture dresses, well who wouldn't? Especially with my future best bud Tim, please, please come insult my wardrobe, and buy me more. I too, got to recently feel like a girl again, on a business trip of all things. Sure, as the lone woman in a house of boys, who constantly tell me I must like pink, have no penis and scream out "boobies" every chance they get I sure know that I am not a boy, no question. But it has been so long since I did really girly stuff, pretty much since well before I was single. I've had some great girlfriends, but given that I want to an engineering school and work in high tech I'm around lots of boys so they've been tough to come by.

So what happened on this business trip, you ask? Besides a girl sleepover! Second time I got to snuggle with my co-worker, victims of our own economic crisis, but fortunately we get to stay in these huge and luxurious beds and only a few awkward moments the next day (not really). In the morning she watched me whip through my hair with the flat iron, took it right out of my hands and did it right. I felt so pretty as I swung my locks around. Then she borrowed some make-up, put some eyeliner and mascara on my eyes and suggested plucking (fortunately neither of us had tweezers since I have never, ever gotten used to that pain - switched to waxing ages ago but am way behind). Told me I needed nothing else, the blue of my eyes was enough, oh what a sweetie. And since I can no longer afford the salon color promised to give me a home dye job once the grey comes in again. We'll attempt to replicate this color.

Guess working in the chick-filled world of marketing has its perks. Now if only they'd agree to my cause - "the working mommy who has not time or money to buy designer shoes" charity.

Guess Which Side I'm On?

"Stolen" from Charming and Delightful - thanks!!

G'Head, Hurl those Insults, Doesn't Bother Me

"I hate you!"

"I wanted it cut up."

"I didn't want it cut up"

"Why do we always have to walk the dogs?"

"We always go to this park."

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"You are the meanest mommy in the world!"

Do those sound familiar? Only if you are a parent I guess. Then there are the grunts and silent treatment, all spurred on by some horrible fallacy such as not ever getting the puppy cup or having to eat breakfast. I get that a lot, and perhaps it's because I truly am the meanest mommy, but I'm going to hazard a guess I haven't quite earned that prestigious title. The other day my husband told me he gave the kids a little talking to, told them they had to stop being so mean to mommy. Sweet.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but it actually hardly phases me. And an added bonus is after one of these episodes, which with Donovan often culminates in a punch to the gut (he punching me, don't get your panties in a wad) I get spontaneous hugs and kisses, proclamations of love and "I'm speaking to you mommy" and "I'm your friend mommy" and a lot of "I love you."

I thought perhaps I was just getting used to it, realizing that kids have some inherent need to complain and vent, and mommy is a readily available and safe target so I shouldn't take it personally. To be honest a year ago you could find me screaming things like "fine, then we won't go to the park" or giving myself a timeout after a yelling fit, and I still am the ultimate crank when I'm forced to get up and 6am to referee a chocolate milk battle.

But after a grueling month at work, I realize I may have my job to blame thank for the thick skin. If I had a nickel for every time I said "I've been here for 13 years, I can take it" in response to sympathy from a co-worker. My most recent position came about as a result of a pretty major reorganization, and for some reason it helps people transition by having a weekly bitch-fest, often directed at me. The same complaints are rehashed so often I'm pretty much immune, and even occasionally amused.

There was a scene in the movie "Charlie Wilson's War" where Tom Hanks (Charlie Wilson) was meeting with Pakistani President Zia and found himself trying to be an understanding listener, while remaining loyal to his country, not having all the facts of the situation and not wanting to defend his country's position either. An outstanding balancing act by a compassionate if naive congressman. Obviously not on the same scale, but I was a meeting recently in that same position a table full of people complaining about something I was barely involved with, while I was trying to be understanding while supporting my co-workers without getting all defensive. I call it karma and figure it allows me to do my own whining.

On the other hand, perhaps it's just the anti-depressants finally kicking in.

Work is Kicking My A$$

Been totally lax posting here, (barely even time to read any blogs) but I've got another shutdown next week, whoop! Good times. Followed by my nephew coming (yah!) and then hubs going out of town (boo!) followed back-to-back conferences, one for work, then Blogher! So we'll see how it goes over the next few weeks. Still trying to read and write with my writing motherhood book.

I was talking to someone doing a bunch of stuff for us for a major project and he ended the conversation with "answer me this question, when are you going to get some sleep?" Hey man, I slept from 1:30 - 8:00am this morning (kids were at grandma and grandpas), that's a lot for me. I'm afraid it's going to take it's toll though, and I vowed to get more sleep. But when you need to talk to Israel and you are working with round-the-clock computer guys, hard to just turn in.
So instead I'll leave you with these awesome pictures courtesy of my MIL.

That first my son called the "snow dolphin" and insisted he'd much rather marry the white dolphin than the little girl. Below are some awesome sand castles.

PhotoHunt 107: unique/funny signs

The woman behind the Photohunt has lost her beloved Beagle. If you are in the Franklin, KY area go check out her post.

The theme for this week is funny signs, and I've posted these before, but I didn't have a chance to track down any others. These are actually from work.



As seen in one of our parking lots.



This one is posted in many of our bathroom stalls. Seems some people like to squat on the seat, and that is frowned upon by safety

For more signs head over to PhotoHunt.

Could this Ever happen in America?

Spain's defense minister Carme Chacón reviews troops in Madrid Bernat Armangue / AP First, I have to share this quote:

"Working mom's arguably have the hardest jobs in the world, no matter what they do: they are expected in many ways to be superwoman, pouring 100% of their energy into their jobs, and then another 100% into their kids."

Now that could be a bit of an exaggeration, but loved to read it and give myself a little pat on the back. Anyway, back to the actual reason for the title. The quote above was taken from an article which I found here at Celebrity Baby (thank you, Google Alerts). It seems Spain's new defense minister is not only the first woman (can a girl be in the military? ugh, would one want to be?) in this position, but she's seven months pregnant.

The above quote is from the Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, bless his heart, who appointed her. Seems he has a pretty good track record in terms of equality (even legalized gay marriage), but that was not the only reason for appointing a woman into this position. Just to summarize , Spain is being pressured to add more troops to Afghanistan (they have 750 now). The Spanish population is largely pacifist and 50% support withdrawing the troops altogether, but 90% support sending more troops over for "humanitarian and peace-keeping missions."

"It shows that the army doesn't just have to fulfill this masculine role of force," she (Former Secretary of Equality Montaño ) says. "It can be more feminine, more humanitarian."

So, to answer the title question, I'd say, with absolutely no quotable evidence, just a gut feeling, a resounding no! Because a women's place is in the house (or senate) and withdrawing troops is the last thing this administration wants. Perhaps I'll move to Spain, love the relaxed atmosphere, probably could not handle the socialism.

Can you say creepy?

Raise of hands, who sent their ultrasound photo out to show friends and family? I think I sent my first one out, that you could barely even tell in the grey fuzzyness. The next, my husband thought was cool, I frankly thought was alien-like with the spine and such. I keep it in the "I will eventually make a baby book box." Here's what I didn't do with it.

Sonogram on a cookie - ewww.

One of my more fun jobs at work is to find giveaways and promotional items, and in my search for a square item I stumbled upon these. Fortunately I have a more creative type than me working to find ideas, but am always open to suggestions.

I do have an exciting career, I do

That's it, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I've quit my job and am now officially a SAHM.

APRIL FOOLS! Been working on that one all morning :)

Anyway, I just read this post over yonder at MommyTrackd. Wendy got to come in as her son's show and tell. A real live career mom. Now I'm really down. Not only did I discover my son's school is so bad it doesn't have show and tell, but it was my husband who got asked to speak at career day. Okay, I'm kidding about the school. It's just I went to tour a fancy-pants preschool (pre-K that is) and they have sharing day, which helps them with their kindergarten oral book reports. Sure, whatever. And be honest, which do you think would be more fun for kids to hear about? A soccer coach or, wait for it, a marketing manager? Ya, that's what I thought. I could have brought in cool giveaways, though.

I Need a Bigger Brain

Did you know Tom Hanks has a son who's an actor? Who knew? He's in this movie called Orange County and there are like a ton of funny actors that is (not him :) ... Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Catherine O'Hara, John Lithgow. I even notice that Chevy Chase and Lily Tomlin, but haven't seen them yet, but haven't seen them yet. I don't think I've seen any of the stuff he's in.

I think I've figured out my biggest challenge as a working mom. It's not a lack of time, it's a lack of space in my brain. I'm pretty sure pregnancy and kids did as much damage as any alcohol or drugs to my brain cells. Now I've got two hours free and I'm trying to figure out what I should do. Clean up, start some elaborate dinner (which I never get to do anymore), blog, do some much needed review for work, get rid of all the too small kid's clothes, figure out the kid's summer camp schedule, read, or just sit and watch TV. I've skipped the park cuz my allergies seriously cannot take the outdoors anymore (never, ever roll around in the grass with your kids when your allergies are at their peak). But that's just only one reason. I'd really love to go shopping with the newspaper's Macy's coupon, but I have no energy and even less money or need for more crap. So back to the first point, if I could get my brain working at a more efficient level I could come up with witty blog posts, perform better at work, think of new and interesting dinners and still feel like I'm imparting knowledge to my young 'uns.

Eh well (holy cow, it's Kevin Cline - who is NOT in this movie? - and his name is Murphy Skinner, which is my maiden name), I've babbled enough, must get to more productive stuff.

You can't take me anywhere, especially golfing

Here I am, abiding to the strict dress code of this fancy golf course, which clearly doesn't include shoes. Figure it was better for the grass than my heels. I could never afford to be here, not that I'm a golfer, but we had an offsite at a golf course and putting and driving were part of the reception.

It's hard to drive without a target, so good thing these wild turkeys came along. Could definitely never accuse my co-workers as being members of PETA.

Mmm...gold coated coffee bean shaped chocolate.

Even made it home in time to put one kid to bed.

MarNoBlo 2: How to Amuse yourself at Work

In honor of being at the office at 8:30pm on a Sunday night, day to of MaNaMoBlo or whatever it's called is going to be all about work. Sound boring? Well, it probably is, but have no fear, it's at least about fun things you or your kids can do if you're stuck here some time. I don't mind working outside of "work hours," but I'm only here as I'm playing around with large photos which are not conducive to wireless at home, where Adobe Photoshop also tends to get all pissy for some reason.

But back to the matter at hand. Since I don't work in one of those fun start-ups with the cubicle basketball and snack rooms, we make do with what we have, which does include a fussball table, but it's all the way over the cafe (no, we do not call it a cafeteria 'round these here parts of Silicon Valley).

1. Walk around trying to find amusing signs, like the one above found in a bathroom or in our parking lots. Guess they were having some problems.


2. Play with all the giveaways I've collected over the years, including the recent floam at SPIE, fun feathery pens, and whatever this thing is called.



3. Walk around see who has candy or other goodies. I've done this too many times, and once found a drawer full of regular sized candy bars. I had to block that from my memory so I wouldn't take the whole stash (it was the admin for the software group, natch).



4. Drawing on the white board is always fun, just make sure your kid doesn't end up using permanent marker, oops. I brought my son in yesterday just for a quick stop (he chose that over going to watch soccer with dad), and he nearly had a tantrum when we left before he could draw in a conference room he found. Way better than the park.
5. Toys and more toys...why people have toys at their desk, I am not sure, but this women really takes the cake (a coworker of mine, who's kids are teenagers and older btw). The last time my son came in several sweet guys dropped off trucks and other cool things for them.



6. Not that I ever do this, but, uh, surf the internet, and blog.

I was hit by a Pine Cone, Who can I sue??

Oh wait, never mind.

As seen in one of our parking lots.

What's wrong with this picture? - and some cuteness

It's 11:15pm, I'm blogging, preparing three documents for a meeting tomorrow morning, and conducting two work email conversations (and we are all in the same state). And my dog is farting just to make things oh so much better.

_______________________________________________________

And on a totally separate note, are these not the cutest things you have ever seen? Now this is seriously a can't-miss fundraiser. On this towel are self portraits of every kindergartner at my son's school. I bought 5, the mom next to me bought 8.

Signs I should spend more time organizing

Okay, I'm late here, with these sort-of memes I so wanted to do, as I love to talk about myself and this gives me total permission to do so. Can I say once you see the photos in this post you'll understand that my procrastination just goes hand in hand with my messy, messy life. I've posted photos of my messy house, now onto the rest of my life. The hilarious Her Bad Mother, like eons ago in bloggy time, asked what was in our bags (purse is not my favorite word, but I like it way better than pocketbook, which is what my grandma carried, or handbag) while the lovely and hard-working Self-Made Mom wants to know about our office. So onto the photo displays. I think the common theme one might notice, besides the fact that I have TOO MUCH STUFF, is I really have no separation of my personal and professional life, hmm...

1. The checkbook, which I didn't have for so long I have no clue where any of my 4 covers are.
2. Childcare bills to send for reimbursement
3. Phones from hell - 2nd one from eBay which still doesn't work, the other with a non-working screen which caused me to find out I bought roadside assistance instead of insurance-gah!
4. Make-up to look purty, in case I ever remember to put it on
5. Boy toys, which the kids will scoff at since they want the motorcycle or whatever I don't have.
6. Cool business card holder giveaway
7. PTA and other money and time sucking forms to fill out.
8. Free deodorant and tea from blogher, for emergencies?
9. "These are yours mom" make up thingies handed to me as my son rifled through the back-to-school stuff.
10. Sweet make-up bag also from The Motherhood at Blogher
11. Ipod, pens, camera download wire, comb, gum (for fresh breath, teeth brushing, and bribing kids)
12. Wallet, with three dollars and 65 receipts
13. Batteries, to recycle or new, not really sure
14. Freebies from YMCA, sunscreen and chapstick, very useful crap
15. ANOTHER camera wire, where the heck is my iPod one?

And no, I did not show the random kleenex, business cards and receipts floating around.

_________________________________________________________________

On to my office. At home I work on the couch, so my desk at work is a haven of efficiency, NOT.

My only neat drawer, as it contains the giveaways. I've conveniently left a key so that the business managers can come by and ask me to get stuff for them cuz they are like 4 years old.

And here's my illegal shelf with family photos, shh! (safety thing, nothing against family photos here).

Stuffed gorilla our CEO decided the company could not sell after all, so they gave them out to the marketing group (it says "Hi, I'm your 800 lb Gorilla" in an attempt to make fun of ourselves ala Al Gore on South Park. Note for future, this company does not like to make fun of itself).

Computer bag containing one computer, one notebook for work

and 8 folders containing kids' school stuff. And of course the all important snack drawer, which has become more of a junk drawer. Seriously, I keep almost everything I use day to day on my computer, so why are all my drawers to full?

I've Got the First Day of Kindergarten School Blues

We made it through the first day of kindergarten. I'd like to say at least it won't get worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion day 2, when he knows exactly where he's going and he's got after school care it just might. I should have known when last night he said he doesn't like his teacher because "she shot him, with a gun" things would not go smoothly (she didn't, really, he'd met her once and was quiet but gave her a high five.)

It's a wonderful school, friendly parents, a warm and outgoing teacher, a room full of sweet kids, and one miserable little kinneygartner. Even though I've been through this before I still felt just awful, once again wracked with guilt. With preschool it's part of their job to comfort a crying child, sort of, maybe, I think. But as a working mom the guilt still overwhelms me on those initial days and weeks of adjustment to a new school. Since this is kindergarten I theoretically don't have a choice (I know, homeschooling!), but I could "redshirt" him, I mean he's not even five. So in the heat of the moment I just let loose with threats, uh, promises of taking him back to preschool. Please don't let that come back to haunt me.

He cried and clung to my leg when I left and when I picked him up less than three hours later, he said "After all the kids got back from the bathroom I finally stopped crying." Not sure how to take that. He was not actually crying when I left, although I literally tiptoed out after staying the promised "12 minutes" per our deal. I did hear later a couple kids in other classes were crying (no clinging, though) but at the time I really wanted to ask someone in "authority" if this "is allowed?" Is part of kindergarten readiness "being able to leave mommy without crying and running after her." My kid can tie his shoes, count to 20 in two languages, write his name, remain calm after asking his brother for the 16th to please give back the car and tell and endless rambling story with dragons and houses and a family just like ours.

I felt even worse as one of the mom's at our "future kindergartner" playgroups assuring other parents that their kid would not be the youngest, although I was comforted to see mine would not be the smallest. An August birthday? That's old compared to my kid. Don't worry, I said, you can't decide solely on age. Actually, not being involved in many playgroups lately, and even with all I've read about it, I was amazed at the number of parents who are waiting to send their kids to kindergarten. One mom was sure that her son, with a February birthday, would be the youngest. Another was the only one in her playgroup to send her 4YO to kindergarten.

So okay, better late than never I turn to the internet. Surprisingly, I found only one kindergarten readiness list that mentioned separation, and the link was all about toddler separation anxiety. This line really killed me: "The fact that your toddler makes such a fuss when you leave shows that she loves you." Yay! Sigh, that doesn't really help. Even part 9 of Polk School Readiness (I know, 9 parts!), which is on Social and Emotional Development didn't mention this factor.

My husband's response, "he'll get over it." And now that I think about it, we'd go through the same thing at a new preschool, and probably again if we waited until next year. So I'll get past this too.

More Working Mom Confessions, Now Ala-mode

Okay, the kids are at their grandparents, I'm on my second glass of wine, about to watch Entourage after my loud husband gets off the phone. Perfect setting for this blog post, no? And see if you can spot the untruth in the bunch.

1. Sometimes I tell my kids that if we go swimming after we get home there's not time to watch a movie. And I secretly hope they pick the movie.


2. On that note, however, I've finally had a pre-kid (or maybe pre-baby) judgment come back to bite me on the ass. I used to quietly become aghast at parents who let their little kids play in the hot tubs, yeesh. Now that my older son has finally realized he will not "cook like hamburger" if he gets a bit of hot water on him, our evening "swim" has become an evening soak in the hot tub.


3. I've said it before, I sometimes just claim I have to work late when my husband is able to pick up the kids to avoid that dinner/playtime/bedtime crunch that can stress me out.


4. When I don't have the luxury of relaxing with a glass of wine, I have been down to chug directly from the wine or Baileys bottle after ducking into the kitchen for a moment. And frankly I'd have a puff or two if I had any idea how to "score." (I do however know how to relax in other ways, that do not include wine, drugs, or yelling at the kids).


5. I sometimes wish I could just fast forward through the next 5 months, heading straight to the age of 4, skipping the "getting used to kindergarten" period, not having to nag my husband to finish the damn taxes. Of course I would miss K's birthday and Christmas, and even more importantly the slim change I have for a business trip to Hawaii in December.


6. When I hear a screaming or crying child in the apartment I figure the parent must be doing something wrong.


7. When I buy stuff to cheer myself up, I comfort myself that at least it's not unhealthy, and when I eat chocolate and ice cream, well, at least I'm not spending too much money, right? Mmm...McDonald's hot fudge sundaes are only a dollar and make a great between-meeting snack.


8. I do, I humbly admit, occasionally get envious of SAHMs, who may work hard, but I swear are mostly just reading book and eating bonbons whilst their kids frolic in the park, right?


9. I could get a lot more sleep if I just cut down on reading, watching TV and, uh, reading and writing blogs.


10. I laughed heartily and told several people about the spelling of this name...Xzavyr.

"Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. "
Peter Ustinov

A recent post on Silicon Valley Moms really hit home for me. I've read a couple posts about how making friends these days is like dating. Here's what she said.

It's just like dating. You dance around each other, wondering who's going to talk first, who's going to make the first move. You're terrified to start; what if she hates you, what if she doesn't feel the same connection? You're scared to come off as needy, desperate. That fear of rejection, of ridicule, is exactly the same as it was back when you were single and it was a mate your were seeking. It's just easier to smile, move on, and imagine the what ifs. In my mind I have a ton of great friends. In real life I have a plethora of missed connections.

It seems like lately I can't even get a "date". I've been in playgroups and playdates and I'm really not sure why, but I often feel like the third wheel. Sometimes it's like my job or house is not cool enough. Or the mom's have two calm kids 2-3 years apart and there I am chasing my two boys who want to explore every inch of their house. Several times I've gone to playgroups and there will be women there who are already friends, with kids of the same age and same sex, maybe neighbors, and it's like I just cannot compete. We might meet for occasional playdates, but there is little opportunity to really develop a friendship.

I remember joining several mom's groups after the kids were born. I met some great women at the new mom's support group, but I lost touch after going back to work. And several times I would volunteer and they'd ask if I had a friend to bring along. "Uh, that's why I joined and am volunteering. I was told it was a great way to meet people." Perhaps is was trying to cram in too much at one time...socializing the kids, volunteering, getting a break and "finding friends" at the same time.


I know I'm fortunate in that I have my parents around for backup babysitting, but while I wish it could be otherwise, they are not people I want to voluntarily hang out with. I work full time, but haven't made many friends at work, and my husband works a lot of the weekend, so that doesn't leave much free time to really hang out at my leisure. I've been to mom's nights out and met some great women, but again they are often already friends and seem to live close enough to just visit on short notice. Lately it's all I can do to get the kids out of the house before noon on a weekend , much less remember to arrange a playdate for them with friends who don't live close by. I've also started a networking lunch with fellow alumni, but again it's hard to find time "after hours" so to speak.


I'm not giving up. I'll be looking for a house soon and really want to choose a neighborhood where maybe they'll be some parents with kids in my son's school or I know already. I hope I'll "stumble" into one of those relationships where 10 years down the road we'll be the ones telling people how we met the week I moved in, our kids clicked and we've been friends ever since. Fortunately my boys have built in friends (each other), and seem to make them fairly easily, unlike what's happened to their mommy.