Sometimes you just have to laugh

After a few months of failing to find a job in this tough market, I started on the path to becoming a teacher. Teachers, too, are getting hit in this economy, but high school math teachers seem to be always in demand. I've already realized I'm not cut out to be an elementary school teacher, but a huge shout-out to those who are. Last year Keegan had a truly awesome 1st grade teacher, who started out the year saying he wasn't "cute or artsy enough" to teach 1st grade (he'd moved from 2nd). Suffice it to say he did a bang-up job, even managing to learn a few things when he made his very own sock puppet bandero for market day.

Teachers don't just need patience and skills and creativity, though, what really gets them through the day I think is a sense of humor. Helps as a parent, too. Check this little ditty out. It was a in a book of Spanish nursery rhymes my son brought home in his kindergarten homework bag. He usually gets one book in Spanish, and even at the kindergarten level I usually can't understand most of it. This was translated, though, and we got a huge laugh. Was that wrong? I'm sure it sounds better in Spanish.

My younger son's kindergarten teacher is really a saint. She has an amazing amount of patience and an awesome sense of humor. She told me once she'd lined all the kids up to go to the cafeteria. The leader took it upon himself to march the rest of the kids down, forgetting they were supposed to wait for a teacher, or at least an adult, to accompany them. She was very proud. To date my son's been asked to stop throwing himself down on the carpet in his patented wrestling move, moved from the spot near the wall since he stopped paying attention when he leaned against the wall, and not to get sucked into hitting and spitting at your friends. Seems the boys love to play the "how hard can you hit me game?" and I was once warned that he just might mention that a little boy had pulled his pants down and several others followed suit. My friend was called to the principal once when her son had been caught competing for who could pee the farthest, so I'm feeling pretty good right about now.

My other son does not seem to posses the "boy" traits that keep kids from sitting still, so I asked my son what he did that drove his teacher crazy. "We tell the girls to hide all the erasers in their desks." He said when someones absent and his teacher can't find the erasers she'll usually find a stash in the absentee's desk. Erasers are a rare and valuable commodity in the classroom when I volunteer, and I remember the teacher pondering where on earth they all go each day.

It's book club time again at Silicon Valley Moms blog and this post was inspired by Phillip Done's second book, Close Encounters of the Third Grade Kind: Thoughts on Teacherhood. I reviewed this book here and if you're interested, his first book here. Those of us who live in the bay area got to hear him read from the book. I feel a special connection, since he started his teaching career in Sunnyvale, where I live, lives in Mountain View, where my kids go to school, and now teaches in Palo Alto, where my mom wants our kids to go. Maybe if I knew he'd be teaching them I'd jump on board. Little tip from Phillip about teacher gifts. In addition to telling your friends and neighbors (and blog readers) how much you love your teachers, give them a card thanking them.

Cake Wrecks, the Movie!

Okay, not really, although I'm I'm betting the success of Julie & Julia will turn all those "blog to book" stories into blog to movies. I did head on up to San Francisco to attend the book signing for one of my all time favorite blog's new book. Whew, did ya get all that. I'm sure you've heard of it, it's hilarious. Can I just say, how did I not know how awesome the Ferry Building was? That's going to be the kids' next field trip, but I digress.

First up, this is me and the author of the blog, Jen, I felt so tall around her, but she makes up for it in funny.

Here's my cupcake submission. Yes, she had a contest at every stop of the best "wreplica." This was "too small balloons" (which Jen wrote on my book inscription)

There were five entries here, five, I know... And I could not even make it into the top three. These were the top three, so guess it makes sense. Are these not awesome?

Go immediately to the blog to find the real deals, plus lots and lots..and lots of other funny cakes. The best was running into the winner (belly cake) and her daughter (spongebob cake) and commenting how none of us got a second glance walking down the streets of SF with a wacky cupcake in our hand.

It was a long drive, although great opportunity to get a lot farther in my curent book on tape, and I didn't even get to go to Blue Bottle coffee, but glad I went. And just for you, dear readers I bought an extra book, which I am giving away over on my review blog.

I Rest My Case

Keegan: Why do you have to be 18 to change your name?

Me: Because your parents picked the name they like, so they're the only ones who get to change it.

Keegan: But why can't I change my name?

Me: You aren't mature enough to pick a name.

Keegan: But why can't I change my name to "Spiny Norman"

Me: Spiny Norman is a silly name.

Keegan: No it's not, it's from Monty Python

Me: I rest my case

What's an old hag, mommy?

That's the latest in a long line of questions my son needs to have answered no less than 32 times a day. He has fun asking the same question over and over until I figure out his little game. I'm not sure where he heard the term "old hag" - probably in a fairy tell grandpa read to him. It's not an easy term to define, but I did my best to ensure he never referred to either grandma as an old hag. Unfortunately, my husband has managed to attract numerous old hags, or more accurately bitter old women. I think he doesn't put enough good karma out into the atmosphere, spending his time coaching young boys rather than helping old women across the road.

The first was a lady in our neighborhood, one of three who seem to spend most of their days looking out for wrongdoings so they can call the police. They've done it three times to the man across the street (who spends his free time delivering food to the homeless) when his 16lb 16 year old dog stepped on her lawn. She's also yelled at me when mine stepped on her lawn, and once when he lifted his leg on her pot (I don't go near there anymore on my dog walks). Now, I do not make it a habit of wandering up people's driveways so my pups can pee on their flower pots. But she keeps hers at the end of her driveway, actually she keeps 5 scattered strategically around her driveway, so she has to move them each time she needs to move her car. Why, you might wonder? Six years ago another neighbor used her driveway to turn around, left a small black tire mark, and she never, ever wants that evilness to occur on her precious driveway again.

Mean old lady number two was found wandering around a park. Brian was running a soccer camp and he did allow the kids to occasionally pee by a tree. It's debatable whether this is appropriate behaviour, but I'm sure anyone with little boys knows it happens. So there my little 6YO was peeing away when a woman walks by with her dog and screams at him, "you can't pee there, go to the bathrooms," making him cry. My husband lost his cool a bit and yelled back at her, at which point she called the cops. The cop explained that indeed we should be using the bathroom, but he was fortunately very nice and understanding. She stood up on her high horse and said she'd been a teacher for 22 years in this community. I feel sorry for her students.

The third story is truly awesome. This morning my husband was at a soccer tournament and called me with "the funniest story ever." He was coaching the game on a field which had very little room around it. So little that when he tried to warm his team up some volunteer decided his kids were too close to the field and actually pushed one of them away. She was lucky it was his soccer player and not his actual progeny as he merely gave her a verbal warning not to touch his players. When the actual game started, in order to leave enough room for the sideline refs, he had his players put their bags a few feet away, encroaching on a 12 foot wide path surrounding the field. There was now a mere 11 feet should someone want to take a stroll along the path. Of course the nemesis arrives in the form of an 80 year old woman, who yells at my husband that he can't put his team's bags on the path. He tells her there's plenty of room and goes back to coaching. His team was down 4-0 so it was not exactly a good day so far. Alas that is not good enough, so she barks "this is my field" and proceeds to walk across the field, with the game in progress. When the referee tells her she has to get off the field she sits down, staging a spontaneous protest of one old woman. I so wish I'd have been there. The other coach threw out a veiled threat about her coming down to San Jose, the ref called the game, and Brian called me to make sure I blogged about this.

The Next Internet Sensation?

Dancing child with dog, it's a can't miss youtube hit, sure to net me millions in virtual internet dollars.

Or maybe not. Happy Father's Day to my kids' dads and all the other silly dads out there.

Another "urgent" text from my husband

My husband likes to share oddities from the kids, well, with pretty much everyone. This was from last night, which he texted over...

"Keegan wanted to know how long it takes to make an atom. I called Steven [his brother] to let him know, but spoke to Sheri. I told her his question, and she said 'I know exactly how long it takes to make an Adam." So there you have it. It takes a little more than 9 months."

Adam is Sheri's son, our nephew.

The Marijuana Chronicles

This is a completely plagiarized post, but everything's from my husband and his friends so I think I'll be okay.

So Brian sent this out:

"check out the amount smoked per week......is it even possible? are there enough video games and south park episodes for this to be realistic? enquiring minds want to know....."

Pot Smoking May Boost Heart Risk From Fatty Blood, Study Says
Here's the key line: "The study subjects, who reported smoking
from 78 to 350 joints a week"

CF: Frankly I don't think even a professional in his prime, say Andy Gravina circa 1980, could do it.

SK: I think that those researches had to be high when they came up with those numbers, I know this because I’ve tried and I didn’t even get close.

DL: I was incapacitated for three days after just reading the article.

QB: I'm thinking more Marwan (sp?) the Egyptian dude with the curly hair, circa 1980.

Discuss amongst yourselves...

Meandering through the blogosphere

I find it kind of funny that I stumbled onto an Atheist blog (where I counted three Jewish Atheist blogs) from a really funny Christian one (you'll see why it's hard to tell it's written by a Christian). And just for full closure, I found that one starting with the hilarious bossy, clicking on one of her commenters, and from there clicking on over to this humor blog compilation. Whew!

These days I'm all about the humor in the blogs I read and podcasts, so I'm happy to have found a few more great ones today. I just wish I could write funnier stuff.

Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper - even the name makes me laugh (I've seen this before, but hadn't read much until today).

This awesomely funny post got an award from another great blogger.

And this is also my house.