Stop Grabbing Them and other Tales from the Kid Comedian Zone

So my sons like to grab my boobs, who the heck knows why? Maybe the squishy feeling of the padding, possibly they bring back memories of their nurturing goodness, mostly likely that inborn knowledge kids have of doing exactly what they are not supposed to. I try not to make a big deal of it (we know what that leads to), but do tell him he just can't do that.

But yesterday I was already annoyed at them for making me gulp down brunch so I could get them out of there to burn off some energy (not to mention yelling "I have to poop!" in the deadly quiet restaurant.) Keegan jumped up to give them a little squeeze, I told him to stop it, yelling "you are not allowed to do that!"

His response, "then why are they there?" I had no answer to that.

And just so Keegan doesn't get all the laughs, this morning I turned around in the middle of a conference call, only to be handed a wad of toilet paper and presented with a naked bottom up in the air. This is why I only make calls from my house with Donovan around when it's absolutely necessary.

I'm home this morning since Keegan had his tonsils out yesterday. They've been up since 6am. Donovan's been a total pain, but Keegan had the best nights sleep he's ever had, didn't even climb into our bed last night - amazing. I won't say all my worrying was for nothing, but I'm grateful it went so well. They are now peacefully playing Sorry, I'm sure the mid-morning ice cream and otter pops didn't hurt.

Don't be a Hero

My son, my hero, has taken to defending his mommy from the evils of his older brother. Keegan and Donovan like to hurt me in different ways, which I'm sure is perfectly normal, but it really, really tries a mom's patience. It seems like every day Keegan has to go through a whiny, yelling and complaining stage to get him to do anything, from a trip to the aquarium to doing his homework. Today he was actually yelling at me - it was 4:30, they were about pass out from starvation and I would not let him have oreos as a snack while I made dinner - and Donovan went over and whacked him in the arm with a little lunch box.

Timeout! Donovan's got a bit of a hitting and hurting problem. He's the sweetest kid, constantly telling me how much he loves me, but he loves to do things like run up and whack us in the butt, slap my hand harder and harder (slapped me in the face once), and tonight he threw my glasses at me. It's not out of meanness, but it's damn annoying. So I dragged him into the bathroom and told him he was never allowed to hurt Keegan, even if he was saying something mean to mommy.

Fast forward to after the bath, Keegan tells one of his patented white lies - we were looking for my ring, I found it and asked him to pick it up. "I found it, I found it, mommy. If you pick it up, that means you found it." Bam - punched in the penis. Clearly my earlier instructions to Donovan had not sunk in. "Do NOT punch him in the penis," add that to the list of things I never thought I'd say. And we've had to say it more than once, I'm slightly ashamed to admit.

I've become a lot more tolerant of violence with two active boys in the house, but clearly this cannot go on. Any suggestions here?